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Introduction

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

alright so we found 16 losers who were dumb enough to be stranded on an island for 39 days, and they're going to be separated into two tribes. the two tribes will compete against each other every few days, with the losing tribe going to tribal council. at tribal council, the tribe mates will vote off one of their own. this cycle will repeat until we reach the final two, where the last seven eliminated contestants will vote for the winner.


The castaways step onto the beach after being carried by a helicopter.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

whats up scrublords lol


Everyone says hello to Peff.

Rational human being
Rational Human Being

CONF: I'm really happy to be here because I'm a huge fan of the television show Survivor. However, I think I may have signed up for the wrong show, because the competition looks a bit... strange.


Bruh moment
Bruh

CONF: bruh


Everyone shuffles onto their pre-determined mats.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok scrublords, welcome to survivor. the 16 of you were randomly put onto two tribes, blue and orange. your buffs are in these sacks, so dig in.


Peff gives the contestants their buffs via high-pressure t-shirt cannon. Rational Human Being (RHB) is hit squarely in the chest with the blue buffs, while Toilet is knocked over by the orange buffs. The water inside Toilet leaks onto Poopyfingers Jeff's shoes.

Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

Bro, not my SHOES, man! C'mon.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

shut up, poopyfingers. this is why we're going to call you poopyfingers whether you like it or not.


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

MY NAME IS NOT POOPYFINGERS JEFF. STOP CALLING ME THAT. MY REAL NAME ISN'T EVEN JEFF.


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

CONF: Alright, I GREATLY dislike when people call me "Poopyfingers Jeff". I don't know why they call me that, but it's annoying. I sound like a creep, bro!


Everyone puts their buffs on.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok, now we just need one more thing. tribe names. you see, we had to make some budget cuts and couldn't afford to hire the brain cells to come up with tribe names. so y'all will decide them for us.


Each tribe huddles amongst themselves to come up with a tribe name.

Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

Can we please do a normal tribe name? Something that sounds natural?


Rat
The Big Cheese

Ay, shut up Poopyfingers. Nobody asked you.


Rat
The Big Cheese

CONF: Y'see, I'm the Big Cheese around here. The Sauce Boss. And this is my Meatball Mafia, y'feel? I'm here to cause DRAMA. Give this game the SPICE it needs.


After a thorough discussion, the contestants have eventually decided on tribe names.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok. blue-colored nerds, what is your tribe name?


Money man
Money Man

"Money Man Is The Greatest"!


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

did you seriously pay your tribemates to name the tribe that?


Yoshi
Yoshi

hell yeah he did lol


Yoshi
Yoshi

CONF: i don't give a damn if the tribe name is something stupid, i'm 100 bucks richer babyyyyyyyyy this game is too ez


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

alright then... orange-colored nerds, what is your tribe name?


Banana man
Banana Man

"A Normal Tribe Name".


Banana man
Banana Man

CONF: lol poopyfingers sucks


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

Wait, I didn't agree to that name!


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

shut up poopyfingers. a normal tribe name it is.


Money man
Money Man

Wait, hold up Jrobst. Now that the tribes are named, I'll pay you $500 if we could do a Tribe Swap right now.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok lol


Bruh moment
Bruh

bruh


Bruh passes out, as Money Man pays Jrobst via credit card reader.

Rational human being
Rational Human Being

Wait, shouldn't we... medically deal with Bruh?


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

sorry i can't hear you over me becoming $500 richer, deal with him yourself pleb.


RHB reluctantly attempts to revive Bruh, to no avail. The Orb of All-Knowing, despite being on the other tribe, generously assists RHB.

Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

CONF: ok it seems like these people are all either inanimate objects who are useless or have no idea what is happening... so i decided to help poor RHB wake bruh up. he's the only normal person here.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok everyone give me your buffs and i'll hand them out again


Everyone, excluding Money Man, reluctantly hands their buffs over.

Peff again hands out the buffs via high-pressure t-shirt cannon. Everyone reveals and puts their buffs on.

Money man
Money Man

Wait a second... the tribes are exactly the same, but Turkey Sandwich and I switched!!!


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

lol thats super unlucky but get rekt


Rational human being
Rational Human Being

Wait, if Money Man is off this tribe, can we change the name now?


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

nah


Rational human being
Rational Human Being

Why not?


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

you got 501 bucks?


Rational human being
Rational Human Being

No...


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

then too bad lol


Everyone heads towards their camps, while Money Man complains the entire time.

Money man
Money Man

CONF: Rigged. That's all I have to say.


Day One

Blue Tribe Camp

Rational human being
Rational Human Being

CONF: The two sandwiches are really weird... they just sit there together as if they're talking telepathically.


The camera cuts to Ham Sandwich & Turkey Sandwich sitting on the ground, ominously.

Yoshi
Yoshi

CONF: i'm considering killing & eating Chicken (the contestant) but i'd probably get kicked out of the game lol


Rational human being
Rational Human Being

CONF: The Robot guy also doesn't really talk... he just makes aggressive beeping noises.


Robot
The Robot

CONF: 01001110 01001111 01010111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01000001 01001101 00100000 01000010 01000101 01000011 01001111 01001101 01000101 00100000 01000100 01000101 01000001 01010100 01001000 00101100 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000101 00100000 01000100 01000101 01010011 01010100 01010010 01001111 01011001 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001111 01000110 00100000 01010111 01001111 01010010 01001100 01000100 01010011


Yoshi
Yoshi

CONF: there's also this Rubber Ducky and every time i look at it, the more i question the casting decisions for this season


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

hey, don't you dare question my casting abilities, or i'll tell everyone your secret.


Yoshi
Yoshi

uhh... ok then. yes Rubber Ducky was a great casting decision


Orange Tribe Camp

Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

CONF: ok, The Big Cheese REALLY ticks me off. it's so obvious that his strategy is to be the dictator of A Normal Tribe Name, but it's like i'm the only one who sees it. everyone else just goes with his shtick.


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

CONF: To be honest, I'm only following along with The Big Cheese because it means that I'm hopefully going to be safe if we go to Tribal Council.


Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

CONF: sometimes it feels like The Big Cheese exclusively speaks in analogies, and it's very irritating.


The camera cuts to The Big Cheese lecturing the tribe.

Rat
The Big Cheese

...It's almost like I'm Jesus, my strategy talk to you is sermon, and this Hidden Immunity Idol note is scripture.


Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

wait what


The Big Cheese pulls out a note, which describes how the Hidden Immunity Idol functions.

Rat
The Big Cheese

I plan on keeping this baby 'till merge, y'feel? I'm like a botanist and I have to nurture this plant for my-- I mean, our future success in this game.


Everyone, excluding the Orb of All-Knowing, vaguely nods at varying degrees of agreement.

Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

CONF: the most annoying person in the game has an idol. ugh


Day Two

Tribal Immunity Challenge

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

COME ON IN, PLEBS!


Everyone shuffles in.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

alright. for our first immunity challenge, y'all are-


Money man
Money Man

Wait, hold up Jrobst! I'll pay you again if you rig our tribe to win.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

yeah sure! wait, where's the credit card reader-


The credit card reader is seen in the ocean, destroyed.

Yoshi
Yoshi

CONF: ok, our tribe saw this coming from a mile away. we had to destroy the credit card reader so we could stand a chance at winning.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

well... crap. y'all are going to have to actually play in an immunity challenge. first tribe to create a new credit card reader and confirm that it works by sticking a credit card in it wins immunity. GO!


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

Wait, where would we even find the parts for that?


Banana man
Banana Man

Shut up, Poopyfingers.


Money Man Is The Greatest Tribe has seemingly fabricated a credit card reader out of thin air. They present it to Peff.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

i don't know how you did it, but this sure works alright. money man is the greatest wins immunity, i guess.


Rational human being
Rational Human Being

...How did they even do that?


Banana man
Banana Man

Darn, that was a really close challenge. Good job, everyone.


RHB glances at Banana Man in visible confusion.

Day Three

Tribal Council

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok, noobs. dip your torches in and get fire. fire represents your life in this game, except for when it doesn't.


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

What is that supposed to mean?


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

hey, i ask the questions here, you don't. if you backtalk me at tribal council, i'll snuff your torch.


Man
Poopyfingers Jeff

...oh, right.


Poopyfingers Jeff tugs at his collar, not wanting to be eliminated over random circumstances.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

alright, question time. the big cheese - who is your favorite contestant on this tribe, and why is it money man?


Rat
The Big Cheese

I have a better question, Peff. How much did Money Man pay you to ask that?


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

give me your torch.


Rat
The Big Cheese

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait- I have an idol. I'm playing it right now.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

dammit. this is a hidden immunity idol, so the big cheese stays in.


The Big Cheese laughs heartily. The Orb of All-Knowing whispers to Chainsaw Roomba.

Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

yo, big cheese doesn't have an idol anymore. this is an opportune moment for a well-deserved blindside.


Chainsaw Roomba whirrs.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

ok, time to vote. knife hamster, you're up.


The contestants vote.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

if anyone has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, you may do so now.


Everyone looks around, but nobody gets up.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

first vote... the orb of all-knowing.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

second vote... poopyfingers jeff. 1 vote orb, 1 vote poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

third vote... orb.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

fourth vote... poopyfingers jeff. we're tied - 2 votes orb, 2 votes poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

fifth vote... orb.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

sixth vote... poopyfingers. we're tied - 3 votes orb, 3 votes poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

seventh vote... orb. 4 votes orb, 3 votes poopyfingers, 1 vote left.











Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

orb. we are tied. 4 votes orb, 4 votes poopyfingers. everyone but orb and poopyfingers will revote between the two.


The contestants revote.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

first vote... poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

second vote... orb.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

third vote... poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

fourth vote... orb. we are tied - 2 votes orb, 2 votes poopyfingers.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

fifth vote... poopyfingers. 3 votes poopyfingers, 2 votes orb, 1 vote left.











Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

FIRST PERSON VOTED OUT OF VERY COOL SURVIVOR: ISLAND...
poopyfingers.


Poopyfingers Jeff rolls his eyes so far into the back of his head that he passes out.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

poopyfingers, the tribe has spoken.


Peff snuffs the torch of the unconscious Poopyfingers.

Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

time for you to go.


Peff jrobst
Peff Jrobst

as for the rest of you... just get outta here.


Orb
The Orb of All-Knowing

CONF: wow, I can't believe paying money man to swing the revote against poopyfingers worked.

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